Secret Lives of Cluster ‘“B”

Our program has a popular slogan :  “ I came for my  vanity, instead, I find my sanity ”. Thar was my experience of nearly two decades, until May 2019. Suddenly, the slogan became ,“ I came for  my vanity,instead,  I find myself a stalker”.

My  story is about being heard.  3 years of self imposed silencing needs to be addressed.  it is also my service for  the program.

Maybe the following images illustrate what my story  is all about   these two pictures. The first one is from before May 2019 . It is my self portrait, which i drew.

The second one is after several years of dealing with emotional abuse from another member ‘s untreated “malignant narcissistic personality disorder”.

The   image of current state of my nervous system in chronic Hyperarousal . This is  the result of 3 years of relentless emotional abuse by another member with untreated “malignant narcissistic personality disorder”

The covert stalking  started in May 2019 .  He has been  acrobating  through the misconceptions that have existed around the  structure of our fellowship. This is was done  in order to remain in contact. His  activities weren't limited to me. He also  stalked my family members, who have nothing to do with the program.

Reincarnation of the movie “Gaslight”

My  experience,  which  I like  refer to it as “frying pan” ,  is reminiscent of the acclaimed  movie “Gaslight”. It won an Oscar for Ingrid Bergman  who played the role of Paula”.

My emphasis here is The triangulation of the main characters in the movie.   The triangulation of the roles of  Paula, Gregory and Inspector Brian Cameron, who were played by Ingrid Bergman ,Charles Boyer and  Joseph Cotten respectively.

Key features of the roles in this triangulation  are described as follow

• Paula has the appearance of being too sensitive and emotionally unstable. 

The condition that is called “borderLine Personality Disorder”.

• Gregory had three objectives

1. To cultivate Paula’s  existing triggers(flashbacks)

2. To insert new triggers (Flashbacks) in Paula’s mind.

3. Convince the observer that Paula is crazy,

Gregory's behavior is part of a condition that is called “malignant narcissistic personality Disorder.

• Inspector Brian Cameron was the observer. Gregory ‘s objective was to recruit him in believing that Paula is too sensitive and crazy.

The popular word “gaslight” is rooted in  this triangulation. 

This form of  triangulation is the key reason 12 step meetings are a popular destination for predators. 

The misconception about “being too sensitive” is a major   source of predator's  narcissistic supply .

Triangulation and my story

Lets come back to my story and experience with narcissistic abuse. I need to say , It is this sort of  triangle that I do  not want to be part of.

 narcissists induced  triangulation , forced me to withdraw from many of my program friends.

To make things clear, I Let the figures speak for themselves.

From the record that I kept from May 2019 to the beginning of 2021.,There were way over 500 narcissistic incidents, 

Number of Incidents

Triangulation With 47 program friends 180

Electronic Stalking 280

total 460

I stopped keeping records after Jan 2021. The numbers are much higher than what is shown above.

Electronic stalking were approximately 280 incidents. They were through electronic means such as anonymous calls , Text Spam and paid hacking services.

Like I stated earlier, I regrettably scale back from my interaction with my  program friends.  This was done in order to reduce the intensity of the attacks. Sometimes, I did it rudely and  other times I was just plain cold. 

I am truly sad about it.

When My Recovery Friends Became Source Of My Flashbacks:

I don’t think they understand why I have flashbacks anytime  I interact with them. They have become the triggers for  my  narcissists' installed flashbacks.

These flashback are permanent and can only be managed.  

I am hoping someday I can explain why I have disconnect from them. 

Recovery families are like any other family. They can be infected with the predators. The only thing to be done is to keep your distance and your silence from family. 

From time to time I reach out to my friends , showing them 

They are missed.

Narcissistic Abuse is a  gradual increase of Violence:

Narcissists attacks the targets 's sympathetic nervous system.  that impacts the  victims 's cortisol level ( stress hormone) . In turns it has long term alteration to various biological systems. This is shown in the image below:

For now, I would list physical symptoms that I have developed , as  result of long term narcissistic abuse.

• Chronic CPTSD:  

• Chronic Sleep Apnea.

• cognitive delay

• impairment with cognitive sequencing

• Induced ADHD

• Sudden Physical movement and twitching

• Temporary Amnesia: impairment with short term memory.

• Cortisol poisoning

• Daymare

• Massive weight gain.

• Isolation

• sudden speech impairment

• Emotional Dysregulation: 

• Visual Impairment: dry eye and Chronic Red Eye

• Chronic Hyper-arousal: I can not turn off being in a high state  of alert.

• Chronic state of “Learned helplessness/hopelessness”

• Chronic Hyper vigilance

• "Borderline Personality Disorder" like symptoms. Narcissistic Abuse victims are always misdiagnosis as BPD. I have been under the trauma treatment for more than 3 years . That includes 2 and half month treatment at an outpatient trauma center. The result is still the same: BPD like behavior. This is how I appear to our community.

Every day is "Cape Fear" at our intergroup:

Dealing with cluster “B” is quite problematic. It is about  dealing with people  who continuously split  for all the occation. They are constantly morphing and splitting from one personality disorder to another. This reflects on the  nature of their Multiple Personality. Different people see and experience  different parts of the  “Cluster B”. 

The best illustration of ”Cluster B”, is Perhaps Max Cady in the movie “Cape Fear”. The role was  played by Robert De Niro.

My life has been  like Cape Fear".  Day after day . week after week , month after month and year after year i faced the reality of violent of stalking. 

For example i experienced frequent flat tires, headless dolls ,  daily anonymous calls, cyber stalking,signs he left by my door steps, and above all triangulation as the ultimate form of stalking, 

I had to keep my silence, so he won't be rewarded.

Chart  below shows the entire complexity of the “Cluster B

Histrionic part of “Cluster B:

This is what most people see. It is the protector of the other personality of “Cluster B”. they  play the role that is acceptable to the norm , but they do it with a loudspeaker. In my case, he played the role of being a victim. A role that he should  be nominated for an Oscar.

Narcissistic and psychopathic parts

These are the features that are reserved for their  unfortunate victims. The activities are  conducted  relentlessly and covertly.  

Often the victim  of narcissistic abuse are left isolated  and can not share their story with their friends. 

That is because friends  are mesmerized  with the histrionic side of “Cluster B” and can not see the entire picture.

Dr Rosenberg states that  victims of 

narcissistic abuse 

lose 69 %

Of their friends. 

Welcoming with one hand , striking(stalking)  with two, A clean way to annihilation

Off course the welcoming act  is  publicly advertised ,while the  stalking part is   covert and  done under the radar. Image below describes the situation

The triangulation above is the process of cultivating the victims'friends to become  source of flashbacks. At this point friends are referred to as flying monkeys.

Left side of triangle: The observer (Goldenchild) is groomed. (paired with Narcissistic grooming). It is  sometimes accompanied by a spirit of joy and happiness and festivity. This link  discusses the role of humor as weapon in the hands of "Cluster B" (Humor and Comic Styles with Cluster B Personality Pathology) .

Note:Goldenchild (observers) are chosen from the target 's circle of  friends. 

Right side of triangle: the real victim is paired with shock. That is by relentless attacks on sympathetic nervous system.This is done in the following manner.

• cultivating the existing triggers(flashbacks)

• Insert new triggers (flashbacks)

Both pairing with shock and pairing with narcissistic grooming are cultivated through time. 

The attacks continue  intensively and aggressively on the sympathetic nervous system, which has a  devastating effect on physical health. This will continue until the victim reaches a state of  “Learned helplessness and hopelessness”.

A Condition that usually leads to the annihilation of the  victim. 

They either commit suicide or simply dye as result of massive attack on their sympathetic nervous system. Sometimes they get to the vegetable state, where they can not process their emotion.

The 12 steps meetings are not monitored by any outside agency. It is up to ourselves to Audit ourselves. As cases like mine suggests, We haven't done a good job protecting our community.

Sadly, our  community echos a meaningless interpretation of the 12 step program to dodge the responsibility  of  keeping the meetings safe.

They are so mesmerized with the theatrics that the predators perform that are blinded from the truth.

People  could get  wiped  out  from the surface of the earth and  no one would even know.

It is being dismissed as Another person lost his life to the disease. 

Loneliness Of Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse:

How can I  explain my  experience of violence  that I  absorbed gradually. Do I show the MRI picture of my amygdala gland, hippocampus and prefrontal cortex section of my brain. But, I don't have the image of them from before 2019 for comparison.

How can i tell my friends that they have become triggers for my new flashbacks?

How can i tell my new friends about this experience?

But, I am not  all alone with this "crime committed against humanity". 

Modern World recognition.

Although it is not illegal in the United States , i am hoping this work  could help a little to bring the issue  into the spotlight.  Public awareness is crucially needed.

Good news is that  the modern world, after centuries of denial has start taking serious action on this problem.

France was the first  country to  illegalized  the  Narcissistic Abuse in 2010.

almost a decade later., Ireland and England followed suit  

Coercive manipulation is now illegal in England.

in 1976., The Catholic Church, after centuries of denial,  acknowledge the Narcissistic Abuse. It allowed  it as a condition for annulment in the marriage. That was based on the premises that a narcissist can not perform the human function in a marriage.

Dorothy Gale

Winkie Country, Land of Oz