Changing My Sexuality

Not sure , how else i could tell my stalker that I am not gay. but, he continued to pursue me. i share one of his love/text messages with you, which I have received through spear-phishing .

The question that i keep asking myself is this, "Does he want me to become gay and then he fucks me. Or, does he want to fuck me as straight man".

Whatever the answer to this question is , did not make any difference to me. The only thing that mattered to me is that i have been living in daily flashback as the result of stalking. That by itself is a trauma.

It took me a long time to figure this out, In reality, this is the story of fucking a heterosexual man in order to inflict pain.

That is nothing but "hate crime". My sexuality was under attack for 3 years.

Pairing with Shock: The end result of this was that i avoided many meetings. Because , his sexual advances flashback me into my childhood trauma of sexual abuse.

Effectively, through repetitive compulsion and intermittent reinforcement he paired himself to my childhood trauma. His message was loud and clear he wants to fuck me, in embarrassing way.

It became obvious that sexuality was utilized as shocking element and nothing more than that.

Initial seed to chain of Pairing with Shock:

So, through long period of stalking , he transformed himself into the shocking element for future incidents.

Thereafter, He used himself as shocking element for "pairing with shock" through series of triangulation. "welcoming with one hand , striking (stalking) with two"

is the essay that details the topic.